Interestingly, I've never thought of commenting on news at all in my blog, but reading through the news and the killer's written play titled "Richard Mcbeef" and "Mr. Brownstone" (not Mr. Brown...), I thought I'd like to give some comments too...
In my opinion, his head is filled with hatred, frustration, stress, unfairness and definitely discriminent. And yet, deep inside me, I can feel what he feel. Speculations show that he's abused by his stepfather, rejection by his classmates (including bully), and the environmental change (It's USA, what do you expect?) has materialise, metamorphisis into what he is today. I'd like to add that, if I've moved over to USA at an age of 8, most likely, the headline could be me instead.
I confessed, killing has definitely come into my mind during my younger age. The feeling of solitude, helplessness and bully is definitely unbearable. Comparing to him, I'm considered lucky. For I do not have a family shattered as he does, for the difficulties and virtually impossible to obtain handgun(s) here in Singapore (one of those things that I like Singapore about... Can I say about those that I hate? Maybe not...), and the self-consultation skills which I've obtained over these years.
His extreme thoughts have well crossed over the lines already. His desire to be in the midst of hell have made him a solitude man. For me, I'd always prefer to be alone in anyway, lucky for me, there are people who are concern about me, and lend me hands when ever possible. However, for him, Cho, he've already crossed the line of no return. He've already lost the battle of balance between an Angel and a Devil. His usual quiet personality, as proven by his classmates, were broken by his specious thoughts, and by showing his "devil" self to the media, he've lost the battle.
He might have been bullied by his classmates, as he seems quiet and timid. He might have been weak, and constantly seeking for friendship, but failed to do so. But one things that's for sure, he did not seek to strengthen himself, instead, he seeks only hatred as a way to "strengthen" himself. He never managed to get over with the thought of unfairness in this world. And by unfairness, it could have been refering to status, money and even complete family, as was mentioned by him on his video. He could have hated his father, mother, or even sisters for any reason. But definitely, he eventually seeks strength, from guns...
From my point of view, it's a good case study of how a person can actually react, behave and do under desperation from his point of view. Also, to how this person thinks and react, in according to whatever he thinks it's correct. To his speech, he thinks that all rich kids who have almost everything yet unsatisfied deserve to die. That could actually closely match with an example from a fiction, "Death Note", where the main character feel that the world is not judged correctly, and he'll be the judge to kill all the criminal, and what happen if he've the power to do so, just like what we have here...
If I managed to obtain gun 10 years ago, if I've stayed this way 10 years ago, if I've not talk through by one of my teacher, Mr. Ho 10 years ago, I'd have been Cho... I'd really thankful of what I've now. No longer killing the teachers of my primary and secondary school came into my mind anymore, nor the bullies I encountered then too...
I feel that I've grown up (of course, a few years ago since...), I feel that I've control over myself, I feel that I can suppress my own killing instinct to convert it to ability, skills, knowledge, experience. I feel that "THAT" is the true strength, not holding a gun and start shooting people (although I feel that I'm up to that ^_^ I'm a marksman in NS after all, not to mentioned I've live rounds for most of my NS life :P )
Morale of my view and story: The true strength of yours, are the ability to control yourself in any aspect.
(Controlling your anger, and you'll be a saint... But saint arn't immortal, we are mortal, so we'll always show our anger... in a controlled and moral way... - Paul Kami)
